Giving in to the Fear.


I’m a bit of a scaredy cat. And definitely an “over-thinker”. I’ll look at an ordinary situation and imagine it in its worst possible scenario. I went out to an underground club a few weeks ago and made all my friends dance by the fire exit, as I couldn’t stop thinking about not being able to get out of there in an emergency. Health, too – I’m a huge hypochondriac, I’ll admit it. If I thought about it enough I’d probably never leave the house! If I had to choose something, though, I’d say my biggest fear was probably flying. I can’t stand it. I’ve embarrassed myself on too many flights by descending into a nervous wreck following the slightest change in engine noise, a light flashing, an air hostess answering the phone – don’t even mention turbulence. I know exactly why it is, too. It’s having a complete lack of control and entrusting my life to a giant metal machine hurtling through the sky at 500mph.

In January this year, the chance to visit Kenya with a few of my best girl friends came up. One had been out in Kenya for a few months volunteering at the Colobus Trust, and so the plan was to go and stay with her when she finished her work and travel for a few weeks. I was a bit apprehensive about going at first – it would involve two 8 hour flights (Heathrow to Nairobi) and then two internal flights too (Nairobi to Mombasa).

But then I thought, how amazing would this experience be? And to be able to spend the money on it, before I get a mortgage and a family and a permanent job and all that kind of stuff. My friends would have gone whether I had or not, and I would have been sitting at home in rainy Birmingham wishing I’d been able to face that 8 hour flight. So I decided to man up and get on with it, and go.

(Although before I sound too brave I should admit that my doctor prescribed me some Diazepam for the flights…..)

Anyway, it turned out to be an amazing couple of weeks. We visited Nairobi, had a 2 night safari in Tsavo West and Amboselli, stayed in a cottage by the Indian ocean in Mombasa and went snorkelling – I touched a puffa fish!!

So I guess the moral of the story is that it’s ok (and very normal) to be afraid of something – as long as you don’t give in to the fear and let it stop you from doing what you want to do.

And my next flight? Well, it’s in 3 days time, Birmingham to Paris. Bring it on.


Positive Steps!

Just a little post today, full of positivity though!

I had such a productive schooling session with Bailey yesterday, I came out of it feeling really positive and optimistic that we’re finally back on track! I’m going to start having some proper lessons rather than just schooling off my own initiative, as even though I’ve had riding lessons for about 16 years I feel like there’s always more to learn and that sometimes a more experienced eye from the ground can be an invaluable help. And I want to improve as quickly as we can ready for the summer show season. So that’s where me and Bailey are at the moment!


In other news, I received a rejection email after my second interview for the marketing internship but I’m ok with it as I’ve had the best news – a job interview for a job in the marketing and communications department at the British Horse Society HQ! Again, trying not to be too hopeful about it but it would be perfect – I want a marketing career in the equine industry and so this would be a giant leap in the right direction. Eek! Deep breaths…

So this weekend I’m just going to probably prepare for my interview and not do a lot of “fun stuff” (apart from hanging out at the yard obviously)- I went out twice last weekend though (Easter Bank Holiday weekend) and definitely spent more money than I should so I need to have a more chilled weekend! Especially as me and Johnny are off to Paris next weekend so I’ve got to save for that! So much on the to do list for the 3 days. Eiffel Tower here we come…



That’s the first photo I’ve ever put on my blog that I haven’t taken myself – I feel a bit disloyal! Maybe when I get back from Paris I’ll update it with one of my own… lol!